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Judith Agara •

6 Unspoken Rules of Mentorship (Mentee Edition)

6 Unspoken Rules of Mentorship (Mentee Edition)

The importance of mentors is worth considering. They offer a powerful pathway to growth, both professionally and personally. A good mentor can be an invaluable source of guidance, support, and inspiration.

They can help refine your vision, develop ideas, direct your efforts, and ultimately achieve your goals. However, simply having a mentor doesn't guarantee a successful outcome. The quality of the experience often hinges on how you approach the relationship.

This was a lesson I learned firsthand. A few years ago, I was part of a fellowship program, and at the end of the boot camp, we were paired with mentors for a one-year mentorship program. Initially, things felt awkward. I couldn’t figure out how to navigate the dynamic and fumbled through our initial interactions.

If that sounds familiar, don't worry! You're not alone. The key takeaway is this: like any relationship, mentorship thrives on trust, mutual respect, and shared goals. Often, success in mentorship hinges on unspoken rules, and these unspoken expectations, communication etiquette, and boundaries are pivotal for fostering a healthy and fruitful mentor-mentee relationship.

Here's how things turned around for me: After feeling lost in those initial interactions, I started researching the dynamics of mentorship. Through books, articles, and even listening to talks, I discovered a wealth of resources that shed light on the fact that mentorship was a two-way street, and how much I got depended on how much I put in.

Armed with this newfound knowledge, I approached my mentor with a clearer understanding of how I could contribute to a mutually beneficial experience. As a result, the mentorship blossomed into a valuable resource for my personal and professional growth. To help you avoid some of my mistakes, I have outlined six (6) rules a mentee should keep in mind to build and maintain a solid and rewarding mentorship experience.

1. Open Communication is Key

As a mentee, you should be forthcoming about your goals, aspirations, and challenges. There’s no point sugarcoating things to your mentor; you want to be transparent and honest about where you are, what you do, and what challenges you face.

Open and honest communication lays the groundwork for meaningful exchanges and ensures alignment between mentor and mentee. Ask questions, share your challenges, and update your mentor on progress.

2. Respect the Time Commitment

As a mentee, you should demonstrate respect for your mentor’s time. Nobody appreciates time wasting, and everyone appreciates people who respect their time. Remember, your mentor is likely carving out dedicated time from their busy schedule to invest in you.

You can respect their time by arriving on time for scheduled calls, being prepared with specific questions, and communicating any cancellations well in advance. Also, avoid bombarding them with constant messages. Establish a communication cadence that works for both of you and be transparent about your preferred methods (email, video calls, etc.)

3. Active Listening Trumps All

Mentees should actively listen to their mentors, gain insights, and seek clarification when needed. A culture of active listening fosters deeper connections and enriches the mentorship experience. Ask questions regularly to show that you are paying attention and learning.

4. Initiative Demonstrates Your Drive

Mentorship is a valuable resource but not a replacement for independent learning. As much as you can, avoid overwhelming your mentor with minor issues or topics you have yet to explore on your own first.

Show initiative by coming prepared with specific topics to discuss, researching potential solutions beforehand, and demonstrating a proactive approach to addressing challenges. This demonstrates your commitment to personal growth and maximises the value you gain from each interaction.

5. Embrace Feedback

Feedback is a gift and a cornerstone of growth that should be embraced. When your mentor offers constructive criticism, approach it with an open mind. See it as an opportunity to learn and improve, not a personal attack, as a catalyst for growth rather than a reflection of inadequacy. Embracing constructive criticism cultivates a culture of continuous learning and self-improvement.

6. Respect Boundaries

While mentorship encourages openness, you should recognise and respect personal and professional boundaries. Mentorship is not a friendship, especially at the early stage. Refrain from overdependence or unreasonable demands; do not expect your mentor to be available 24/7 for personal issues or emergencies. Utilise the established communication channels for mentorship-related discussions and respect their privacy outside those boundaries.

  • Don’t ask personal questions that delve into the mentor's personal life in a way unrelated to your professional or personal development goals.
  • Do not ask your mentor to do your work for you (e.g., school project or assignment, work report, etc.)
  • Do not ask or expect the mentor to solve personal problems outside the scope of mentorship (e.g., asking for financial favours).

Establishing clear boundaries fosters mutual respect and prevents potential friction in the relationship.